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Song for August

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Joe Galloway, Sep 4, 2019.



  1. any feedback would be great! I appreciate you all :)
     
  2. #2 Alexander Schiborr, Sep 5, 2019
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2019
    Hi Joe,

    It´s been a while since I saw one of your pieces here.

    Now thanks for sharing your track.

    My thoughts:

    First thought: What was your macro goal for this piece? Crazy circus music? Not quite sure here. It has a bit of that flavor but then not really the typical harmonic conclusions at times. Just a question what you had planned stylistically here?

    Lets continue:

    I. The beginning and how you enter your 3/4 sense of rhythm is pretty rough for my taste. I am speaking of the first 2 bars before you really start with your piece. Its confusing because of the rhythmic accentuation and contour which makes the transition to Bar 3 pretty a hard pill. I would either kick that 2 bars out or make just a very basic 1,2,3...1,2,3 and they we go thing. Also the orchestration: 1st tutti everything together, then that rough sudden split of the section..think of taking voices in and out..a bit more smoothly.

    II. Until Bar 8 I feel the theme is not getting so easily in my brain in terms of memorability so I think: stay more on your a Section with slight variations before going any further. But I get the point that its probably not the purpose, but then at Bar 9 and 10 where I at least expect a common thing like a V7-I for Bar 11 or an affiliate subsitute, here you are going crazy and introduce that modulated version of your theme, probably that would work better if you feature your initial idea first twice. I would flip a bit the parts:

    1. Bar 1-2 (overwork that a bit make it a bit more "inviting"
    2. Bar 3-10 your motif, give a V7 here --> then glue-->
    3. Bar 19 - 26 to it.
    4. Use then your development from Bar 11-18 and Bar 27 - 34 as a further development before you
    5. recapitulate your theme.
    6. Then you could go on and feature anything of the further developments which you did a way later.

    Thats of course just a suggestion for form.

    Regarding the style and choice of harmony and progressions, I feel that you want to try something different as I noticed that in your previous pieces too. Now that is always great to find your own voice of course. Though I fear also that you should at least feature some common "words" at least a bit in your composition so that the listeners is with you and not alienated. You know there is a fine line between sophisticated writing or "pseudo" sophistication. Also in your previous pieces I had problems with that aspect a bit where it seems to me that you are trying to cross that border to quickly and too early in your tracks which is then more confusing than sophisticated writing you know? I say the following: The more uncommon chord progressions or melodic statements you feature the more it needs a slower development so that the listener can accommodate your composition. And that is the biggest issue that I have with that track but also with all of your other compositions tbh.

    Last and not that important and it has nothing to do with the composition and orchestration still the midi rendering is a bit like an early 2000s sound. However as that is not important at all because it can be just a sketch which you probably later are going anyway to mockup.

    hope that helps
     

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