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request for feedback

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Bjarke Tan, Jul 1, 2020 at 10:30 AM.

  1. Hey I composed a new piece which took me close to a month to finish.
    It's probably the first piece where I try to compose counterpoint like.
    I hope I can get some feedback on it before I release it official.
    https://vocaroo.com/3cUh5VV9TD3
    Thanks in advance.
     

    Attached Files:

  2. What kind of feedback would you like? Is there a specific area that you are unsure/insecure about?

    or just our general subjective response to the work?
     
    Bjarke Tan likes this.
  3. @Doug Gibson
    Thanks for your comment Doug.
    I think just anything you noticed that could be improved would be helpful :)
     

  4. Well to be honest:

    1) The bassoons role overall is disappointing. Do you even need it ? Maybe consider making into a string Quintet
    It doubles so much of the cello, and I would not do that at all. It different with a small chamber group than with a full orchestra.

    2. The ending: I don't get what you are doing harmonically at all for the last 5 measures. I would highly suggest you revise that.

    I also wish it had more rhythmic variety, and that your texture is too thick for too long. Don't get forced into feeling the whole gang has to jam the whole time.


    Sorry if that is discouraging.

    Just being honest. If you have any questions on my comments just ask and I will try and clarify.

    Best wishes !

    Doug
     
  5. #5 Paul Poole, Jul 1, 2020 at 9:14 PM
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2020 at 9:48 PM
    I concur with Doug regarding the bassoon. And with bassoon being the outlier instrumentation-wise, that implies that it'd be featured in some way.

    Voice-leading: What is your bass part? It's ambiguous. Bassoon and cello keep switching off on that, and overall they keep playing footsies with each other.

    Notation:

    –Use clef changes for the viola and cello when necessary.
    –Those commas in the bassoon part, are they for breathing or phrasing? If they're only for breathing, you don't need them.
    ____________________

    EDIT: I noticed that in the penultimate bar, you should rhythmically align the fermata with the others. (It's true that you can see such non-synced fermatas in old scores, and even some not-so-old ones, but it's not ideal.) Just split the quarter into tied 8ths and place the fermata appropriately.
     
    Bjarke Tan likes this.
  6. https://vocaroo.com/kE7LV3LgHe3
    Here is an updated version.
    I added clef where there were too many ledger lines.
    Changed so the Basson don't copy the cello in the beginning of the piece.
    Removed breath marks.
    Tried the rhythmically align the fermata although I had to change what was going on musically for it to work from what I know how to use the notation software.
    Tried to make the ending more clear. It's supposed to build towards a climax and then reach a relaxing resolution.
    It may take too long to add rhythmic variety and create a better bassline so I will have to keep that in mind for my next piece.
    Thanks for the feedback guys. Feel free to mention anything you notice could be improved with the updated version and please let me know if it's improved.
     

    Attached Files:

  7. Yes, it has ! More than I was expecting. Well done.

    A few points (sorry that is all I have time for)

    See your viola and VLN. Don't ever double them at the unison like that. Fill in the implied harmony, or simply hold over the Bb for a quarter and it's line rises on 2&4. We had a whole thread on this with Paul posting an example from Holst.

    Screen Shot 2020-07-03 at 12.23.02 am.png



    It is hard to do with track pad, but here is a simple version that will work better in real life. So A-C, Bb-D, C-E



    Screen Shot 2020-07-03 at 12.23.02 am.png



    Measure 47: Down beat

    Man, I hate that chord. What are you trying to do? It just completely loses me. Delete it. Trust me.

    (From 43-47 your vln 2 should be up an octave) It won't get heard clearly as you have it now.


    Are you just looking for a tense chord like in Barbers Adagio? I can give you some suggestions later.

    Gotta run at the moment

    Bye
     
    Bjarke Tan likes this.
  8. @Doug Gibson
    Thanks for the feedback Doug. Much appreciated.
    Here is an updated version with the things you mention.
    I think with the chord I was just trying to create some kind of tension.
     

    Attached Files:

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