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In Need of Feedback

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Michael Lückgen, Mar 15, 2020.

  1. #1 Michael Lückgen, Mar 15, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 17, 2020
    Hey guys,

    I tried myself on another piece. I had really fun working on this except for the 'performing it in my daw part' which just took a lot of time.

    I feel like that the song structure and motivic development is okay-ish, or what do you guys think?

    What I'm not so sure about is the orchestration. I tried everything I learned from Orchestration 1, and hope it worked out well.

    Would love to hear your harshest feedback on this! :)

    [edit: I updated the song. I quantaized a lot more and changed some pain points which I discovered on hearing the next day]
  2. Hey Michael! nice work on sticking to a vibe and developing your track. One thing I would do Is add a LOT more swelling and movement to the arrangement so it feels like it’s “breathing.” I think this will amplify the emotional effect by a lot. (Use that mod wheel more to add tail end dynamics and “breaths” between phrases, especially on the strings)
    your already performing some of the parts pretty well but I think it needs more dynamics over all.
    Orchestration wise I think your in a good place so far. It’s not over cluttered and you can hear the different layers. (Btw I like the build up section with the staccato stuff going on that was a nice change imo)
    That last climax type part bothered me. It all builds up to that last restatement of the melody and feels nice but then the oboe plays that weird note and i just felt like “wait what” lol. Maybe just keep it simple and end on a “prettier” cadence instead of that one. It feels like it’s going to start a new section or something.
    Final thing is since your idea is restated so many times, that gives you the freedom to start throwing in countermelodies and stuff towards the end which would probably give the track more forward momentum.

    Just my opinions but I hope this helps, it’s really cool to see the progress you have been making in your writing. I enjoy listening to your stuff.
    Michael Lückgen likes this.
  3. Thank you for your Feedback Alex :)

    Yeah I think I have a lot of issueswith performing a piece. I should practice more.

    Thanks! It's good to hear that I might be on the right track :)

    Got it!

    I adjusted some parts of it (and gave the piece a name finally). I tried to work in your feedback, maybe it works a bit better now?

    Thank you very much for the feedback, it really helps me a lot!
  4. You need counter-melodies.

    The theme is working way too hard as it's all very 2 dimensional.

  5. Thank you for you Feedback Doug! :)

    I see what you mean.
    I tried to do a simple piece so everybody could like it, which did not work at all :D
    A friend of mine said that the song is too boring, maybe countermelody is what he's missing.

    I have to admit that I do not really know how to approach good countermelodies. But I just bought the Counterpoint masterclass, hope it will help :)
  6. But I just bought the Counterpoint masterclass, hope it will help :)[/QUOTE]
    It will for sure, that class is great
    Michael Lückgen likes this.
  7. Additionally, you need more rhythmic "pulses"

    For example at about 30" you have that step wise climb. Below is close to your example at first and then with pulses on the stave below


  8. #8 Michael Lückgen, Mar 20, 2020
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2020
    Thanks Doug!

    That for sure sounds better!
    I will definitely try to add more of that into the piece.

    I'm just not sure how to add more of this rhythmically (and counterpoint) stuff into my writing...

    I tried to orchestrate what I had composed on the Piano (I am not a very good piano player, so I have no capability of adding more to it and it didn't occurred to me when writing) as Mike always says we should do.
    However, when I'm writing these pieces I am more or less always playing block chords...

    I'm thinking of adding arpeggiated strings, but I'm hesitating, since I did not play it that way. In my mind when composing it it was a quiet piece, but it seems so boring without the rhythmic pulses and counterpoint...
    Or maybe this stuff is supposed to be an afterthought after the simple main melody writing?

    As always, your Feedback is very helpful! Thank you :)
  9. Okay Here is the next version:

    What do you guys think?

    Maybe a bit overwritten now?

    And by the way, the Counterpoint class was awesome :D
  10. About 10x's better. :)

    Yes, but better than the previous version. The biggest problem now is there is no continuity of a single bigger idea in the accompaniment.
    It's a bunch of stuff.

    It's a process. You know the story of Goldie Locks and the Three Bears? First bowl, too cold. Second Bowl, too hot.

  11. Okay, next try.

    I have to admit, the longer I am working on this the more I think the overall song sucks. Hope I will someday be able to work faster to avoid that.

    I got rid of the overload and changed some orchestration in the middle which is closer to what I intended with my piano composition.

    Would like to hear any opinion on this.
    I think I may have to reperform everything to be able to upload it and put it out there. But maybe there are more problems I'm not aware of?
  12. well you are in good company there man, happens to me every time I write something lol. I think it sounds much better than the original, but would definitely benefit from smoothing out some performance issues. for me personally once I get to the point where I hate what i'm writing its either time to push as hard as you can to finish it, or if your REALLY unhappy with it just let it be for a little bit.
    The great thing is that you have a fully written track. Now that you have more knowledge about countermelody, when you write your next piece it will be in the back of your mind and you will probably make different descisions about your structure and all that.
    Michael Lückgen likes this.

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