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A short lament theme in c minor

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Antoine Fribond, Nov 3, 2021.

  1. #1 Antoine Fribond, Nov 3, 2021
    Hello !

    This is another attempt at orchestrating a small piano sketch :



    Any feedback will be really welcomed !

    Thank you


    Sources & other media :

    score, draft and soundcloud
     
  2. #2 Martin Eder, Nov 3, 2021
    I like your peace very much. It sounds nicely and friendy. From 0:58 on I lost the focus, didn't know where to listen.
    I also do not understand the "bracket" you set with the four chords in the beginning and at the end and the different mood of them. The first four chords sound to melike the end from an preceding piece.
    But as said I love the first minute!
     
  3. #3 Marian Szewczyk, Nov 3, 2021
    Very nice. I see much progress since your last piece, in particular how you're more confident to repeat and develop your theme. I have to agree with Martin Eder, the part from 0:58 feels a little disconnected, maybe you can find a way to tie this in more with the rest of the piece. Orchestration is very nice, as usual. One tiny thing: the chord in m. 17, after the first time through the theme, sounds very "final" (more like it should be after the second time through). I wouldn't go back to the tonic just yet, but maybe use a dominant chord or similar, so it doesn't end too abruptly but leads nicely into the second pass.

    I also feel that this is stretching the limits of what NP can do, so the sound is letting you down a little bit. But don't let that get you down, I suppose this would sound quite beautiful with a real orchestra or samples.
     
  4. #4 Antoine Fribond, Nov 6, 2021
    Hello @Martin Eder and @Marian Szewczyk, thank you for your feedback !

    I think the 4 beginning and ending chords were inspired by "One summer's day" by Joe Hisaishi :



    I wanted to use a similar feeling/color to introduce the c minor, but yeah it seems more concluding than introducing !

    I also agree the part from 0:58 is not well connected to the earlier part of the piece. When this idea came to mind at keyboard, I was really willing to orchestrate it ! And give this feeling of a whole descending orchestral mass accompanied by the piano eighths notes. I had not really a melody in mind, but rather an orchestral "gesture".
     
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