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Further Questions for Unleashed track Rocket Launch

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Michael Lückgen, Dec 29, 2019.

  1. Hey Guys!

    So I submitted a piece to yesterdays Unleashed and it was terrible :D
    Mike gave his feedback, which I can totally understand, but still I feel like there are some unanswered questions for me. Maybe this awesome community can help me :)

    So my track was called Rocket Launch


    My plan with this piece was to tell a Story of a Rocket Launch, obviously :D.
    Besides the obvious rhythm difficulties I have (I tried to play everything in without a click and ontop of that I am not a good piano player >.<. Will try to correct that next time!), Mike said that the Melody is nothing he can lock onto.
    As I learned in "How to Score A Film in 7 Days" the "complete" Melody should be saved for the end, since we want to develop it to the full idea. Or maybe I misunderstood that, but that was my intention here.

    So basically this is what I did say:


    And this what I ultimately wanted to say:


    So my questions:
    1. Did I misunderstood the thing with stating the full melody only at the end? Should I instead, in order to connect with the audience, have statet the full melody at the beginning, because it is more familiar? Or is the full Melody flawed to begin with? (I know it's not 1 4 5, but I thought it should be familiar enough)
    2. Another critique point was that I was changing ideas to quickly. I tried to modulate a lot and change things up, to develop the story and make it more interesting. In my mind these different Ideas were all connected in some way, but I guess they were not so closely related as I thought. So what would have been a more fitting transition form the piano to the strings at 1:00? Keep the piano and only change one thing at a time? I thought I can glue them together by restating the melody, but that did not seem to work. Any ideas?
    3. Everybody was saying that the piece is too quiet. I already crancked the master volume up to the max. I am not at all experienced with mastering, so do you have any suggestions on how to do better?

    I know I have A LOT to learn about making music. I'm a bit embarrassed about this piece, but I hope I can learn from it.
    I would really appreaciate your oppinions on it, and don't hold back with further cirtique points if you have. That is the only way I can improve!
     
    John Eldridge likes this.
  2. Oh stop. Don't be. I've written much worse, I promise you.

    We all do. it's endless

    I would say move on from this piece. I think you would learn more by writing more pieces. Personally I would advise limiting the durations of your pieces for the short term. say 60 seconds. Really work on your craft that way, and write a variety of pieces. As you develop of course you can toss out the arbitrary 60 second thing.

     
    Michael Lückgen likes this.
  3. Thanks for your warm words. I will do that :)
     
    Doug Gibson likes this.
  4. Good on you for putting your piece out there for critique and looking for clarification. I'll be happy to offer my perspective.

    There was another masterclass ("Mod Squad") where he expounded on this concept significantly further. But essentially as it relates to your question, it's not that the melody itself needs to be incomplete or obfuscated to start, it's just that you need to consider where you put the most complete presentation of that idea. In your case, the melody as presented at the end would be dressed in the context of something rumbling/heroic/soaring/terrifying (whatever you are trying to convey by a launch) whereas the initial presentation of that same melody may be understated/gentle/foreboding (again depending on what the story needs).

    Hope this helps.
    John
     
  5. Thanks for your reply John.

    That was exactly what I was going for. Did it succeed in that way? I guess not... But how can I do better?
     
  6. The context part I can hear (understated to start … heroic/building to finish). The part I can't hear is the statement ("What I Wanted To Say" or even "What I Did Say") at the start. That makes that beginning feel disconnected to me. Perhaps it's my ears and it is in fact present but kind of lost in the rhythm/volume issues that you mentioned? I can hear parts of the contour of that melody, but seeming with notes missing. That sparseness makes it hard to follow and tell where the focus is. I think a possible place to start with exploring an adjustment would be to let the melodic statement be present in full (notes/rhythm) from the beginning and then dial back the dynamics/phrasing of it to match the subdued context. If in fact it does exist already, then it may be addressed automagically as you address the rhythm/volume.
     
    Michael Lückgen likes this.
  7. The "what I did say" part starts at 0:39 with the piano. Everything before is supposed to be just introduction.
    The "what I wanted to say" is coming at the very end.

    But it seems that it doesn't get through as I hoped.
    I'll try to adjust that next time.

    Thanks for your feedback!
     
  8. Maybe there is also a matter of context. Perhaps if you are actually scoring a film, or having someone really listen carefully at your 4 minute piece, then perhaps it is a good idea to save the full statement of your idea for the end, but in a context like the Unleashed, where Mike tries to get through so many pieces and tries to get the essence of the piece and what constructive critique to give as soon as possible, then it is perhaps a good idea to present the key elements as quickly and clearly as possible. At least that’s what I will try next year and something I wished I did this year.
     
  9. An example -- The Fellowship Theme from LOTR:
    "The Fellowship is Assembling"


    "The full Fellowship Theme" (they're all together and in full force, intro is a bit of the Shire theme):


    "The Fellowship is broken" (the full theme isn't ever quite complete again, and isn't heard in fuller form until the end of the films)


    "The three remaining members of the Fellowship -- hopeful and with resolve, but not full" (notice at around 1:05 the instrumentation and harmonies change as they enter a new land)


    "Two of the Fellowship do some heroic things" (they're still mid-battle and it's not looking good, and as such the Isengard music interrupts and overtakes the theme)


    In each case the theme serves the arc of the narrative, both in tempo, how fully formed it is, how it is orchestrated, how dense the harmony is, and what other motifs are paired with or interspersed with it. As John mentioned, the theme itself is still presented in terms of the melody, but how full or fleshed out it is serves the narrative arc. It wouldn't have the same effect if it was just massive from the get-go, as it has no way to transform meaningfully or build.
     
  10. Thank you for the great explanation!
     
    Rohann van Rensburg likes this.

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