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Short Motive development

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by JP Beveraggi, Mar 30, 2019.

  1. Hello there,

    This is my first attempt at a multi section piece around a short motive.



    Any suggestions or constructive comments on any aspects apart from the individual instruments rendering (I am already working on these French Horns) would be greatly appreciated.

    Cheers,

    JP
     
  2. Nice work !

    Keeps on getting better and better. So, bravo !

    My first, and main question is: Which is the "main" motive you want us to latch onto ?


    I think, and this hard to convey in writing, all the elements to make a really good piece are there, and mostly lined up in order.
    What you make us focus on and for how long is the biggest issue. Once that is reconsidered, then step 2 would be making variations on the
    individual motives.

    Is this only one motive ? I think there are more.

    I like the opening motif very much. With the melody, he horns lacks rhythmic vitality, and drags the piece.

    Integrate the character of your melody and accompaniment more. Like this piece:





    So just because it's a horn does not mean it has to be all soccer balls.

    Personally, I think you are attempting to take us thru a range of emotions. So it's about how the motif transforms over time (like Beethoven 5th)
    As opposed to one idea, one emotion type piece.

    either is do-able here. If the later, and if the opening accompaniment is really important with long sustaining horns then you can look at a piece like



    more complex (clearly Rite of Spring influenced) (Is that Jerry Seinfeld on the tuba?)




    You can always take long notes and add more attacks to them



    I have an idea for your first assignment - will PM you soon.
     
  3. The main motive is definitely the one presented in the opening bars. I often use it in the bass and tenor lines, but not often as a predominant melodic element. This actually opens plenty of avenues for development in the high register.

    There is definitely an arpeggiated Phrygian triad you should hear in one form or another throughout. It could vary in note length or it could be extended but it should be there. Actually, maybe not in the slower transition sections, so I probably cheated a little... =;]

    I understand what you are saying, it needs more repeated notes and a more slur-ish quality. Debating whether horns are the right choice for this.

    Totally, my obsession with the first movement of Ludwig's 5th is resurfacing. As much as I enjoy the insane phrasing of Hermann and the textures of Revueltas, the Miller's Dance seems to be the closest to the mood I am going for. I was not familiar with any of these pieces but I do enjoy them (even with Jerry on the tuba), great picks.

    The excellent point on rhythmic pulse in your video inspired me straight away. Adding Tremoli in alternation between the violas and celli in the Legato accompaniment preserves the musical inertia in the transitions. Superb.

    Excellent-issimo. Thanks Doug
     
  4. I like the piece. It has a Spanish vibe that works well without being extreme. One area that might benefit from some additional thought is orchestration. You are relying very heavily on the horn. More use of trumpet(s) would fit the character of the piece very well. You only use trumpet briefly. I would not take anything away from the violins. But you could move one of the sections with the horn as your primary instrument, move it to trumpet and transpose up an octave. Great use of percussion, effective without being obnoxious.
     
    JP Beveraggi likes this.
  5. Thank you Paul. I am a big believer in the versatility of the Phrygian mode and less is more in the percussion lines, so I am very glad it is appreciated.

    Your comment is nailing my problem right on the head: I simply do not know how to blend colors in the brass section. I am struggling to get the sound I am after in the trumpets or trombones especially and end up assigning too much to the horns which greatly narrows the textural range. I have been working on improving the horn dynamics (as Doug suggested) on the latest public version of the track (link below) but it is still missing the trumpet lines you are describing. I need to get more understanding on writing for brass to include the trumpets runs this track yearns for.

     
    Paul T McGraw likes this.

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