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Piano Sketch

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Mattia Chiappa, Jun 21, 2018.

  1. Hello everybody!

    I've been working on this new piece and before orchestrating, I thought I'd share the piano sketch with you. I'm not sure if those octaves on the right hand are playable but that's where the orchestration is going to go later, so I left them as a reminder for myself really.

    Here's the link: https://www.dropbox.com/s/5f8njxgv2ycuuw5/Alchemy Lessons_Piano Sketch.01.mp3?dl=0
    Any feedback is very appreciated :)

    Thank you!
     
    Alexander Schiborr likes this.
  2. Pretty cool Piece so far. One thing comes in mind: While modulations are cool there, don´t overdo it. Find also the way to make a statement complete at some point in your piece. When you have chains of modulations too many without completeling the statement then it gets a bit like going and going but where is the question. So maybe you get that? Mostly aimed to the last sections for me. At 1:11 too, that modulations are not fluid and feel very forced to me. The part at 46 seonds to 1 minute makes not that much sense to me. At 1 minute you make it good again recapitulating the motif. I think a stronger b Section could help that track too. I think the main motif is great though.
     
  3. At :20 you jumped the gun on your way to the F# and descending. Do the line at the tonic one more time and THEN do the F#, so it's Gm, F#, Eb, Gm. 1,2,3,4.
     
  4. You got me, I always do that! I can hear it too and I also don't like that. After a while I get stuck in some weird places, I don't know how to get out and things start to feel disconnected. It may seem like laziness but I actually spend a lot of time on those moments. I experiment with a lot of different permutations before getting to that final result which is NEVER satisfying. Even before uploading here I literally tried what you said about completing the statement but I wasn't able to do it so at the end I went for another tangent. It's incredibly frustrating, because I can hear what's wrong, I know how I should fix it but yet I'm not able to do it.
     
  5. Hi Mike thanks for replying! I'm not too sure what you mean here. You think I should repeat the whole 8 bars section or just add an extra bar of Gm before the descending line to F#?
     
  6. Yeah just repeat the G minor figure one more time before descending
     
  7. No not like that and yes that sounds strange. I'll try to play it later.
     
  8. #9 Alexander Schiborr, Jun 22, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2018
    My little tip: Brute Force modulations are as an effect cool. and Sometimes, I say sometimes are used in moments were you really want to move things like in a part which builds to something, yet I say or lets put it this way: Modulations with micro hands movements sometimes only one or 2 notes can be much more effective. Also think about when you want e.g. modulate from part a to part c. There are ways to use forms of "a" and predecessors of "c" which interlock and create smoother chord clones in order that your modulation works better. Mike shows that in his modulations in one video. Look also at John Williams way, he modulates very elegant often you even dont notice it. That is what I mean. Moving them with micro steps. Using also parts of motifs to make them more interesting.
     
    Mattia Chiappa likes this.
  9. A few comments, and of course only listen to what is helpful to you.

    I listened twice, and will leave alone anything mentioned above. Why be redundant ?

    For me the the most problematic is from about 1:12 to 1:35

    1. I don't get what the point of 1:21 to 1:35. That's where you should move keys and develop etc. We just had a big ending and now we heard a texture unlike anything before. It sounds like a opening to B. However you don't really leave Bb minor and I can't deduce what the point of it was. It's sounds ...ok..... but
    also like you just put the phone on hold. Either develop or delete I would say. Avoid "Transitioning" material. It's a terrible term. An old lady is not going to lean in to grandpa and say "oh....he's transition ing"

    2. From 1:12 to 1:21 .... this is just my 2 cents and most likely gets me "shot at dawn" on red banned, but I'll say it anyway.

    Avoid the Williams quotes. All that 5,b3,1 stuff. Don't get lazy. Don't take the easy way out. You already know it work.
    Frankly I think you need to widen your study palette. There is already enough of his fingerprints in the work. It makes me think of star wars and how cool that sound track was, and then 30 seconds go by and I am still daydreaming of star wars.

    Here is a suggestion for listening. Imagine as you hear it how it would sound for orchestra. (Start at 10:00 and listen for 3-4min)



    Best of luck, and best wishes !!

    Doug
     
    Paul T McGraw and Mattia Chiappa like this.
  10. Hi Mattia, I really liked the idea.
    I think that most of the variations and changes are good with exception of some voicing and changes that were a bit jarring.
    The biggest criticism though is that it seems to me that you summarized a 10 minutes piece in a 2 minutes span. There are a lot of ideas but the piece doesn't have the time to develop in all those directions. Therefore some variations feel a bit "forced".

    I think this piece has great potential though.

    By the way, are you Italian?

    Cheers
     
    Mattia Chiappa likes this.
  11. I finally got to do the orchestration of the piece! I ended up changing a few things here and there and but nothing too drastic, the only major change is that I restated the melody one more time before ending the piece. The mix is very dry, with pretty much close mics only. The last time I shared a piece here I was told it was hard to hear the details in the orchestration because of the stage mics so I'm not making the same mistake twice. Hopefully it's a little clearer than this time :)

    Anyway here's a link to the piece:

     
    Nico Bellisario likes this.

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