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Nature's Spring Feedback

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Louis Calabrese, Mar 4, 2018.

  1. Hello all, I hope your well. I'm curious as to what you think of this piece. I'm aiming for something enjoyable to listen to and potential something I can turn into an orchestral work of some type. I tried to make sure it has structure - ABAC(ABC Mix)A - well defined melodic components, some rhythm and even some counter melody. As I want to expand it, I would like some modulations suggestions, specifically on the left hand rhythm part.

     
  2. Thanks for sharing, Louis. I don't have specific modulation suggestions for your piece but wanted to comment that I face similar struggles when sketching on piano. My approach to developing further is usually to start by playing the idea into the DAW as you have done. Then next focus on finding alternate harmonization in the bass notes that may also work. Because I'm not a very fluid player that usually means I either do that phase at a much slower speed, or alternatively will split the right and left hand parts of the sketch onto separate tracks. That way I can mute the lower parts and start experimenting with different bass notes while the DAW plays the upper parts. After I settle on the new bass notes, I will create the rhythm variations by a similar method. At the end of that is still just a two-hand playable piano sketch but for me I find I end up with more variations to work with. Hope this helps.
     
  3. #3 Louis Calabrese, Mar 13, 2018
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2018
    All legitimate suggestions and I try to do that. The whole piece is on the same tonal center and has different chord progression for the A, B, and C sections. I've added some spice to my B section as I think it was kinda lame before. Maybe up the point it's written, it doesn't need much modulation, but some could always help. Thanks for the feedback!

    As always any other comments are appreciated!
     
  4. Good afternoon. I was thinking of orchestrating this piece but wasn't sure if has a compelling enough theme and enough meat to it. Certain themes and ideas can be expanded and some go nowhere. I'm also not sure how 'enjoyable' this piece and if this one is worth the time.

    Thoughts?
     
  5. Hey all I hope your well. I wanted to possibly mock this up in an orchestral setting but I really could use some feedback before I do so. I don't want to get deep into the mockup and discover there's major issues with the piece. Any help would be appreciated!
     
    Rohann van Rensburg likes this.
  6. I think you're good to go. You can add more variation while orchestrating that final restatement. Even if I'm a bad judge, at worst it can be a practice in orchestration.
     
  7. After my short coffee I am going to give you my thoughts on your piece. Stay tuned, my friend.
     
  8. Alexander Schiborr likes this.
  9. Nm, stupid phone, I got it to play.
     
    Alexander Schiborr likes this.
  10. Yup, listening to it now.
     
    Alexander Schiborr likes this.
  11. REST THE AT LEAST SOME of the NOTES!! MY ADVICE :D
     
    Doug Gibson likes this.
  12. Yes, your comments make sense, ty. My A section is solid but I'm going to look at all my motiffs not in the A section and carry harmony and add space (C-Ab-Fm-Db is a nice move). It might be good to take that slower less busy melody and put it up an octive I'm going to mess with the piano version a bit then repost.

    As always ty!
     
    Alexander Schiborr likes this.
  13. As I said: I like your idea, and mabye you can bring your b - Section a bit more exposed and more clearly counterpart to your A theme. It needs not to be always like that. I say the more easy it is the more you can get out, the more complex it is the more stay true to your a section.
     
  14. In my track on the other thread I did a cheap turn on the b section and just moved a bit colors around but I primarly stayed into the melody but first I did not do the lydian thing but a I/IV and then the lydian thing to have a connection to a conformity.
     
  15. I wouldn't classify any of your turns as cheap, but I won't tell anyone! I tried to take all of your suggestions (color, space, range, etc) and apply them. I did leave a few spots in that are busy but tried to contrast them with emptier or different sections. Do you like these changes?

     
    Rohann van Rensburg likes this.
  16. Mike mentions that he often has students write a melody that already includes the countermelody and I think that is what happened with your melody, at least in the first version.

    In my mind while listening to the original, I wanted to pull out pieces of your melody out to create a countermelody or echo - either by changing octaves, or by moving the idea to different chord tones. The second version is a very big improvement, moving things around to create more colors made it more interesting.
     
    John Eldridge likes this.
  17. Good, I'm glad that my changes added color to make it more interesting. A friend of mine noted 2 comments about my piece - 1 the piece did not envoke any images of a theme in movies or TV (chase theme, suspense, etc) and 2 - needs more dynamic range.

    The first point would probably be a large re-write as I'd have to borrow devices from known pieces that invoke those images. I'm not sure how else I would do that, and in itself not sure how to even classify my own piece.
    I can address the second point by adding fade-ins and outs, as well as dynamic changes which I will do (but still hard)
     

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