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My first piece!

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Nico Bellisario, Jun 28, 2018.

  1. #1 Nico Bellisario, Jun 28, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 28, 2018
    Hi everybody, I am new here and I am so glad I have found this forum!

    I have been following Mike's work for a while now and he has been a source of great inspiration. So much that approximately 3 years ago, after watching an unleashed video, I decided to download a free orchestra package (SSO) and try to compose my first piece for orchestra.
    And here it is:



    Just shoot. I am very curious because I cannot tell if this composition is followable. In my head harmony and melody are clear but I don't know if I managed to orchestrate it clearly enough.

    Here are some things that, listening now, I think need to be fixed:
    • the "one" at the beginning is not clearly stated
    • french horns are a bit delayed/ not on tempo
    • after the violins end their melody, 1:13, the melody is really weak and barely existent. Also the panning is incorrect
    • at the end the oboe is a bit overpowered by the harp
    Also I had no idea how to orchestrate and I am still a complete amateur, so bear with me, I am just passionate about music.

    thanks if you take the time to comment or even just listen!

    Bye!
     
    John Eldridge likes this.
  2. Hi, Nico. Welcome to the forum and thanks a lot for sharing this piece. What a great start! I hope you continue composing and sharing your progress.

    The primary thing that struck me while listening was that the melody line felt like it was overloaded. You may benefit from splitting the lines into even simpler stronger statements with a response from another instrument. This will maintain the same notes that you are hearing in your head but provide some clarity and even give you more flexibility for using this theme where you can shape the answer bits in different ways. Here's what I mean...

    From this:
    upload_2018-6-30_7-55-34.png
    To this:
    upload_2018-6-30_7-56-26.png

    Looking forward to watching your progress as you write more and more.

    -John
     
    Nico Bellisario likes this.
  3. Thank you John for your feedback! Your suggestion is absolutely spot on!
     

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