1. Didja accidentally blow through the whole, "We're using our real names" thing on registration? No problem, just send me (Mike) a Conversation message and I'll get you sorted, by which I mean hammered-into-obedient-line because I'm SO about having a lot of individuality-destroying, oppressive shit all over my forum.
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Hi, posting a track here... Target practice for Mike. ))

Discussion in 'Critique & Feedback' started by Hur Ozan Cerrahoglu, Jun 18, 2018.




  1. All critics welcome.
     
  2. Where is your two-handed, playable piano reduction, which will reveal all? :)
     
    Rohann van Rensburg likes this.
  3. Dear Mike,

    I can't thank you enough for doing this!! Thank you very much for your time and screencapture instructions, I will definitely work on solving this problem.

    So i take away 2 things here; first is making the progression more visible, because melody and accompaniment too much sit on open 4ths and 5ths. And about bad voicing, adding supporting notes below melody so that melody is not falling too far from harmony. *= that is because i am not so familiar with piano )) playing a single line octave higher than left hand )) but understand the issue. Will work on it.

    Best,
     
  4. Sus chords also count as outlining chords? I mean; we can outline major, minor, aug, dim AND sus2/sus4?(although they don't present major or minor) That counts as chords and I can get away with?
     
  5. Assuming they're used in a progression which makes sense and which is satisfying; which moves from dissonance to consonance; which follows -at least partially- predictable conventions or expectations as the foundation upon which to lay surprises or innovations, yes.
     
    Rohann van Rensburg likes this.
  6. #7 Hur Ozan Cerrahoglu, Jun 20, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2018
    Hello,

    Here i made an eye for an eye video, screen capture only 30 seconds ... So i added an intro supporting Cmin progression, it will be perhaps some Rambo III-ish flutes also adding supporting notes below the meat melody. (Excuse my playing though, I really learn piano only from your masterclasses, other online piano lessons don't make any sense to me) ;)

     



  7. Disclaimer, Mike already gave a recommendations for this one I tried to implement them. There was a gap between the melody notes and the bass line, I added supporting notes below also made some couplings to make sure each beat suggests the harmony, there were too many open 5ths in the first version.

    Rain down critiques please.

    P.s. : After listening to Alexander Schiborr's music here, i was almost going to throw all my gear out from window ;)
     
  8. Intro's too long, and it's over at 1:34. But this is much improved! You are much more successfully leading the listener with guiding harmonies. Still, you are doing yourself a tremendous disservice and crippling your growth by insisting on orchestrating this before it's ready. It is not ready. Let's get you ready. I want you to take your opening statement from ~:26 - :41 and without changing a single note of the melody or rhythm, I want you to reharmonize it 5 ways; 5 ways which make harmonic sense. Do this on piano, two hands and playable ONLY. I don't care if you fail - I expect you to. I want to you do your absolute goddamndest in trying. And then post it. Go.
     
  9. @Alexander Schiborr has that effect on me as well. But if you are having fun, why give up?

    There are some good things in this track. I especially like it from 2:30 or so to the end. Someone once told me about one of my pieces to "cut it in half and just save the best parts." I bet you can guess who it was who told me that! Anyway, it worked and I ended up creating a much stronger piece of music. I would suggest you might give it a try on this track. It is painful to throw away even a part of our creation, but I think it will leave you with a stronger artistic statement.
     
    Martin Hoffmann likes this.
  10. Thanks a lot for encouraging me :)

    Best,

    P.s. : This week I hope i can deliver Mike's homework,
     
  11. #12 Alexander Schiborr, Jun 26, 2018
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2018
    Lol, whats going on with you, guys. My music should be no good reason to throw something out of the window. ;) I feel embarrassed when I read such things. Hoewever,

    @ozan

    Listening directly to your orchestral version, having coffee, just stood up, have a project to do, so less time, but my first impression: cool piece. A few thoughts though:

    Intro..the Accompagnement is a bit boring after a while because it makes this up and down all the time which creates movement which is good on the one hand, but maybe you could think about a more interesting way to orchestrate that? or a way to increase momentum after a while by adding a bit more drive into that? It even continues in your main part with the same rhythm and instrumentation. The orchestration is also pretty spreaded between very high and low, which makes sometimes the harmony a bit loose to me. Another little thing is: Set mainllines in orchestration and focus what is your main element. with the french horns you did that once you entered the main part, but again there are the violins somehow all the time with very long long notes..overpainting everything which or where they steel your horns their show imo, Vlns are also in my opinion too loud and overpowering everything..it is a mixing thing for me. Which such repetitive organsim here you should make sure to switch orchestrations to add more interest, why that doesn´t happen: Answer is your composition: The melody is most of the time upper midrange or above. Another point for me is: Work with contrasts, your piece is most of the time: LONG LONG..NOTES...if you want that that is fine, and that is no shame at all to do, but it is not generating diversity in the track.

    But don´t feel to throw out anything out of the window. The piece is nice and man..just keep on practising. Believe me: We all have sometimes points of frustration. I had in the last weeks a couple of those. But keep on doing. When I would be depressed all the time at Mikes instant improvisations and how he is able to pull of in no time interesting ideas think the other way: Oh that sounds cool. Let me learn that few new words. Practise that, understand it and use it.
     
    John Eldridge likes this.
  12. My playing is not so good, but I think ideas are audible,

    Ver 1 :


    Ver 2 :


    Ver 3 :



    2 more to go.....
     
  13. In version 3 i tried something out of the box, same melody, because it's with open 4ths 5ths, somehow was usable with a different root. I used Fm instead of Cm and could catch some kind of vibe.
     
  14. Here comes the version 4, but I am out of ideas already...

     
  15. @Mike, now I want to move on to a pop ballad. No ballad, no complex right?
     

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